Favoritism

I've neglected this blog for awhile. Not for lack of things to complain about. Just lack of time. I am sure with the coming of the Holidays, I will be here more and more. Because, it has already started. Folks, it is only Halloween.

The BIL and g-friend were given a costume for my nephew(their son) to wear by a family member. I picked up that costume because Nephew was coming to spend the nite at my house. The costume reeked of smoke. I didn't have time to wash it, so I threw it in the dryer and Febreezed it. It kinda helped. I passed along to the G-friend and told her she might want to wash it.

The next day I find out, she did not wash it and "they" got him a new costume. (I was glad they at least did that. I would not want Nephew walking around in that) Later, the MIL called to tell me the same story. BUT she was the one who bought a new DISNEY brand costume for him. G-friend only went one place and determined the store was too crazy. That ended her search for a new costume.

Yet, again, my MIL steps up where they lacked and got him something. Yet, again, she goes out of her way for them. Never for us. Frankly, I am about sick of it. I am not sure how to deal with this. Constantly things are done for them, not for us. I am sorry...Do I have to pay for doing things right? Sacrificing things for myself so that my son has what he needs? Because they don't do that...so they get everything handed to them. And the Nephew gets more than my son.

I try to keep in mind that I am the Parent. This is what I do. In years to come, I can say I did stuff for my child. Things weren't done for us. We have the things we do because we did it ourselves. It just gets frustrating when it is constantly in my face what MIL does for them and not for us.

I am not sure it is even worth getting into a discussion about. Would it change anything? Probably not. It would probably change the family dynamics all around. I'm not sure if I am ready for that. So, for now I will bite my tongue...

e-mails

My mother-in-law for some reason has decided that she now needs to e-mail me all the time.

Here are the two most recent ones (2 days apart):

congratulations on the football win--I assume you went to the game. Did they play well?

I responded to your blog thoughts, but am not sure if it went to you or to Maggie, because I went to the send it to a friend. I really don't know my way around your site--I'm sure there's a lot I could access if I just knew how. Maybe you could help me on our next visit. I truly love it--it helps me not miss you all too much, and lets me get to know you.
"Mommy Vent", you are special. Love you--"Her first name"-Mom

Ok first of all she knew we went to the game because her daughter watched my boys. Why in the world is she sending her friends links to my other blog? Those who know me know I don't liked to be gushed over. EVERY time we talk to her she goes on and on and on about how much she likes my blog (my other blog) and how great it is. She comments on what's she's read and how she feels like she gets to know me more and see my sons. Ok yeah sure. But, at the same time it makes me subconscious of what I type in my blog. I started my blog as a place to talk about what is going on in my everyday life as a mother. I started it as a place where I could reflect on life, show off pics of my boys and just well journal on everything. Now I feel like I'm being watched and that makes me second guess what I type about.


We're reluctant to call because we don't want to interfere in the evening "ritual"(which is so important,) or your time together.
We would like to visit with you over the next weekend. We know there is a UCF game, and if you have plans with your tailgate group, we could stay with the boys so you could relax and enjoy.
We both have Monday off and would be spending some time with "sister-in-law" looking at her pictures from her trip.
Let us know your thoughts.

I don't know about you, but when I read this e-mail they are not asking to come over, but telling us that they are coming. They probably have already made plans with their daughter for the Monday plans. If they are talking about this coming weekend, the UCF game is away and we have plans for our friends to come to our house on Sat. to watch the game. But, we also have plans on Sun. to go to my parents to celebrate my grandfather's birthday. If they are talking about the following week, it makes life hard for me because I was planning on going to enjoy the tailgating and the game since I couldn't this weekend (my sister-in-law, as mentioned above watched the boys but couldn't get over until after work so I didn't get there until almost kick off time). My parents will be watching the boys so I can go tailgating for the next game. I do NOT trust R's parents to watch the boys for 30 minutes never mind 5-6 hours.

I do not reply to her e-mails usually. I just send them onto R or have him read them when he gets home. I feel like they are his parents... he needs to deal with it!

Is it time to change my e-mail address?? I know many will think I'm not being reasonable, but it just the way it is!

family vacation

Even thinking about the title makes me shudder....

My cousin came up with an idea of going to the beach as a family. One huge family. Nine families. That is a lot of people. But, hey, why not. She lives in a different state than the rest of us, so she thought it would be a good opportunity to get together. Here is our journey..

Cuz enlisted the help of myself and another cousin. That way their would be representation from each of the 3 core families. My grandparents basically said, tell us when and where. First, we had to come up with a time to go. Obviously going to the beach would be a lot cheaper if we went on the off months. But, we have a family member that has school-aged kids and she works at the school. We really needed to go June-Aug. Which was fine for most. Some were a little upset because of the cost. We finally got that hurdle taken care.

Trying to get 9 families to actually commit was the next part. We didn't want to look for too big/small of house. Some peeps just were not getting that. One family was "that is a lot of time to be in one house with all of us". This is true. Seriously, it is a week. A big place. We don't have to spend every waking moment together. Finally everyone was in. The exception was, that one family would not know if they could get vacation for the weeks we were looking at. If they could, they were in. No biggie (or so I thought)

I have to say looking for a house was kind of fun. I love seeing how people decorate their houses. I don't have any taste/sense when it comes to stuff like that. Taking the virtual tours of the houses was fun. It has almost inspired me to buy a house at the beach myself! :) The 3 cuz finally found a house that was a bad price, good location for all and had mostly everything we needed. I talked to the company and found out all the logistics. As long as everyone was to agree, I was going to call today to reserve the house for this time next year. Or get it for a week (the only week available) in July.

The email was sent to all, including a link to the house and the prices for each scenario. We explained that a 50% deposit was needed come December and once you paid it, that was your commitment and if you backed out, you lost your money. We thought we were all set

Boy, the shit hit the fan yesterday.

I pointed out that this was an 8 bedroom house. We did 8 because of the family worried about vacation. If we would have gotten a 9 bedroom house and they couldn't come, peeps would be bitching about the extra cost. (i know you are nodding your head, agreeing) I said we could either have 2 families permanently double up or there were 3 bedrooms with a queen and twin bed. People could rotate. (a pain, maybe, but really, it would have been only a night or two) One aunt was not happy and said if she couldn't have her own room every night she was out. Ok...

Next, it was pointed out that there was an apt attached to the house. That apt had 2 rooms with a queen and the living room had a sleeper sofa. So, someone could take the sleeper sofa. But whom? I have a child, I was excluded. My sister has 3 kids, she was excluded, and another would have a 6 month old when this occurred, she was excluded. My grandparents sleep in separate beds, excludes them. I knew the aunt who wanted the room would not volunteer for this arrangement. One member was insistent on "forcing" 2 of the other cuz to take it. Yes, it would have made sense, but I said I didn't feel anyone was in the position to force anyone to do it. We asked for volunteers.

One cuz did step up and say yes they would take it...but for a discount. I only thought that was fair. Why should anyone have to pay full price and not have their own rooms. If this would be the case, every one's price would have gone up $30. And, if remembering correctly, we were paying just about $500/family for the week. Not to shabby if you ask me.

Once again, emails were flying. By this time, the cuz who was doing all the emailing, was almost at her breaking point. She is pregnant, so of course the hormones play a part. But, at some point in time, some one was constantly on us about one thing or another. We awaited. No one was responding. The 3 in charge decided to each call our own families and find out what was going on. I checked with one family-that was fine they are still in. Then, I checked with my other family. All of a sudden, she wants to look for a 9 bedroom house. I said...go for it but you have to keep it under this price (which was impossible) and you can do all the planning here on out. Well, then she just decided that her and her family would not go. Therefore, extra room is opened. I was going to argue. I simply stated that she did not have to do that and if she did, I do not want it ever thrown up in any one's face that she did. She said that was fine.

Now, I have to tell you that one family said that if one family backs out and we have to take the house in July, they wouldn't be able to do it because of cost. groan....

I called cuz and told her this. (first i made sure she wasn't driving cause i knew she was going to flip) Now, we had to recall everyone and give them the current scenario. Cuz did warn me that she was almost ready to bail on this idea as was another family member. I told her I was 50% there but we just needed to hang on.

About an hour later, the family who backed out, called. She asked what every one's reaction was. Obviously my grandma was upset. She is so looking forward to having a vacation with her whole family. I told her that no one wanted her to back out, we had it all figured out, we just needed to agree on paying a bit more. She stated that she thought she was doing a good thing by not going. I asked, Why. We have been trying to accommodate everyone for everything so that we can all be together. Some people gave good reasons for possibly not going. Her reason was just plain stupid. No one was asking anyone to drop out.

It got ugly. It got scary. There was shouting. There were tears. I said I was done. I was not planning anything anymore.

I called Cuz, crying. She agreed. The plug was pulled on our vacation. We did tell a few that if they wanted to take over EVERYTHING they could. I would still go, just not have one tiny thought in the planning. No one has stepped up.

I am sad. But, this is how family is sometimes.

Aloha Friday

Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the MckLinky there if you are participating.

In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that we take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So I thought that on Fridays I would take it easy on posting, too. Therefore, I’ll ask a simple question for you to answer. Nothing that requires a lengthy response.

If you’d like to participate, just post your own question on your blog and leave your link below. Don’t forget to visit the other participants! It’s a great way to make new bloggy friends!

This week's question is: Did you have guest stay at your house this summer? Do you enjoy having house guests?

We had my in-laws over a few times this summer... do I like it... NO! But, that doesn't mean I don't have to suck it up and deal with it. My mom has stayed over a few times to watch the boys, and that always seems to go a lot smoother. I wouldn't mind other people, but it just seems that whenever my in-laws stay here I always get frustrated and just want to escape from my own house.

updates

Well we went to my in-laws this weekend. It went... well better than expected, but since the expectation are pretty low that doesn't say much! B did NOT want to sleep there. The first night when we said it was bed time he went to the front door and kept saying truck. Yeah that was not a fun night. Then Saturday in order to get him to nap and sleep at night R and I had to lay down in R's bed and pretend to sleep to get B to settle down to sleep.

My mother-in-law tried to spend more time with C, but it felt forced to me. I didn't complain too much since well... she tried?

Two big OMG I want to leave moments occured. On Saturday, R was getting changed into his bathing suit to take the boys in the pool. I was changing the boys and my in-laws had already changed. I changed C first and then B. After I changed B, I told him that he would go swimming once daddy was done getting changed. I then began folding clothes. B went to the back door and my father-in-law again reminded him that he'd go out once his dad was done changing. So what does my mother-in-law do??? Take him outside! Helloooooooooooo. Even my father-in-law made a comment about her not listening to what I said. Come on... you just totally underminded me. How rude can you be??

The other instance took place on Sunday morning. I was taking a shower when C woke up. I came out and R was eating breakfast taking to his dad, B was playing a puzzle with my mother-in-law and C was wandering around the living room. Ok fine... no wait. C hasn't had his diaper changed. No one got either boy anything to eat or drink. Anddddd when I picked C up there was some small magnet type thing in his mouth. Helllooooo who is watching the 1 year old?? Yes, R got an earfull!

Oh well... such is life.

Speech Frustrations

My son B has been getting speech therapy since March. He has severe articulation issues, to the point where he is veryyyy hard to understand. We are working on clearing up his speech. One major struggle is he is very bright and it shows in his comprehension skills. When he was tested for speech he's language score was in the average range since his receptive language skills were way above level and his expressive were way below so they averaged out to on level.

We have struggled with family members not understanding the challenges of this whole senario. We have some who thought that once he got his tongue tie clipped he would be fine... yeah no! We have some who think he is smart and will just figure it out... yeah no!

My newest challenge is my husband is struggling with accepting the slow progress. He keeps hoping that something will click and B will just be able to talk in a way that we understand. Could this happen... maybe.... but I highly doubt it.

B uses some signs, but is more comfortable trying to get his point across by pointing and trying to talk to you. He is also more willing to talk to me than anyone else. I think it comes from the fact that not only am I the one who is home with him full time, but I am also the one who seems to take the time to listen and help him speak clearly. I make him say the word multiple times to say it clearly. I listen to what he is saying and try to put into context the misunderstood word. I am the one who signs with him the most and the one who teachs him the new signs.

I wish people would take the time to listen to what he is saying and then help him say the word correctly (without doing it in a way that makes him feel like he's doing something wrong). I wish people would attempt to learn his signs and use them. It would help him feel comfortable using them with them. I wish people would understand that this is not a quick fix. That there is a good possiblity that he will still be getting speech therapy when he goes to school.

I wish people understood that I blame myself for some of these issues. That I am protectitve of his feelings and will take any comments about his speech to heart. That I wish I could take my voice and clearity of speech and give it to him. I wish I could do anything to help him... but for now I can't.

whatever!

I've decided this is my new word in regards to my in-laws. WHATEVER! B had surgery on Friday... nothing major, he had his tongue tied clipped. R told them on the weekend that it was on Friday and that he'd call and let them know how it went. When he talked to them (separately as his father was at work) they both said... oh I thought it was yesterday. Hellooooo if you thought it was yesterday why didn't you call last night to check on him??

Over the weekend C has a low grade fever which I did blog about and then on Sunday he broke out into a rash, which I did blog about too. On Tuesday I blogged about the fact that I took C to the after hours pediatric center. My mother-in-law (MIL) e-mail me to say she knew what I was going through. She said that when R was about 1, they were on vacation and he broke out into a rash and they took him to the hospital and ended up being roseola. My first thought in this... children who get roseola have had a temp over 103 for up to 3 days.... didn't you notice this???

So, R called his parents last night. They were talking about our up-coming visit to their house (yeah be ready for lots of posts after that!). They are convinced that they are going to teach the boys to swim over the weekend... helloooo reality check time. They said "we bought B pool toys, do we have to get C anything?" After a pause they said... like a life jacket or water wings maybe? Ummm no! I said. B had a swim suit type thing that is like a life jacket bathing suit combo and C has a float thing that he can sit in. My thought is if they think water wings are all my 13 month old would need ... did they think my 2.5 year old could swim with NOTHING??

R and I talked and there will be NO pressure on B to learn to swim. We plan on putting both boys in swim lessons in another year or two. Until they the pools will be holding onto mommy or daddy and just fun in the water.

So they can think whatever they want... but it's not happening in that way just cause they want it!

OMG Story!

Yeah! Our first OMG story. Thanks "Simply Donna" for sharing your adventure with our readers.

For a couple of months, the hubby and I, my BIL and SIL have discussed going to the beach to eat at Crabby Mike's. This would be a five hour drive for us. No problem! So finally last week we decided to leave next Friday for the beach and return home on Sunday. I know, it's a short trip - but we don't really have the time for much more. I am really excited about this trip! or I was until last night:(

My MIL, who just recently won some money on the lottery, has decided that the "whole" family needs to go to the beach and I do mean the WHOLE family. OMG!!! I have 4 BIL and SIL's, 8 nieces and nephews - yeah see where I am going with this? There is no way that everyone will be able to go on this short of a notice. However, the hubby invited the MIL to go with us next weekend, OMG!!! I could have strangled him last night. He tells me - it's only 3 days. She wants to go to the beach, what was I to do? I said, don't tell her she can go with us!

Oh well, if she goes, I'll suck it up, but I want like it. She really isn't going to like it when I bring out my Mich Ultra - but hey it's my trip and I am gonna be me or should I say the bad "DIL."

OMG, I still think I will strangle him!! What's your vote?

Simply Donna

(Want to share your OMG stories? All you have to do is send Mommy Vent an e-mail (MommyVent@gmail.com) with your story and she will post it on the blog. Think of it as a Dear Abby type thing (without the advice doled out by Mommy Vent). All you have to do is write a "Dear Mommy Vent here is my OMG story" and sign it how you want it posted on our blog. You pick the name... if you want it linked to your other blog... let me know.)

Help!!

While on vacation, I was hoping that some of our (hubby and mine) parenting skills (the good ones) would rub off on the BIL and g-friend.
It backfired!
I feel like I am regressing! They are the ones who rubbed off on me!
The other day, I was out and I reached in my diaper bag, THERE WERE NO DIAPERS. (at least I did have a diaper bag, right?) On another day, I didn't have an extra change of clothes when one was neeeded!
I truly felt like an idiot and a bad parent.
Now, all the diaper bags (the whole 2 that we use) are fully stocked with ample supplies. Plus, I have put an extra outfit in my car.
Please pray I get my brain back in order! :)

Frustrated

Our last full day on vacation didn't get so well. My child wasn't the happiest. But I was dealing with it. Until....
After his nap, my son was getting a little antsy being stuck in a small room. The husband was sleeping, so I figured I would take him out in the hallway to let him run around.
I stepped out into the hallway and I see MIL with my nephew, taking him back to his room. Here, she decided to take him to give BIL and g friend a break so they could nap.
Hmmm. Wasn't I the run who was up at the butt crack of dawn? Wasn't I the one who had a very cranky child we all witnessed all morning?
It's good they needed a break.
I shouldn't even let it bother me anymore. But I do.

Visit

Well, the visit with my inlaws wasn't terrible - I didn't hate every minute of it. But I am still annoyed that they don't have to give us notice and feel entitled to come anytime they wish. It makes me feel like my life isn't important and my things are not important but their things are important.

It breaks my heart also because my kids love their grandparents. My daughter loves to show off any new skills or things she has learned- she loves to play with them and spend time with them. And they just want to talk to my hubby. Okay, I get it, he is your son and you love him. But.....you can talk to him after the kids go to bed. Am I the only one who thinks it is silly that they would not hear my poor daughter saying 'watch this" (over and over again because her grandparents are not responding to her) while they talk about a stupid tree or flower?? Priorities people- priorities! Pay attention to the 4 foot person who loves you unconitionally because you are her grandparents- give her some time and attention.

Anyway- visit over, family picnic over, and now back to life as I usually know it.

Just a few points

I am here vacationing with the family. Here are a few points of frustration that I am dealing with....
*If your child is almost 15 months old, your Mom should not have to suggest to you that you change him, twice.

*If you are 25 years old, your Mom shouldn't be ordering your food for you.

*Again, if your child is 15 months old, you should be able to think ahead and no what supplies to bring for him. If we are going to be gone for a couple of hours, don't you think it is wise you at least bring your child something to drink?

*Just because one son doesn't have his act together does not mean your other son and his wonderful wife (that would be me!) need to be hand held too.

*If you are 25 years old, please do not expect your Mom to pack your lunch for you.

*If I tell you my child is not going to eat something, believe me. I know my child. Don't try to force it on him and make him mad.

*If you are going on vacation, please plan for all types of weather. Pack different things for your child "just in case".

See what I have to deal with? This is why I bang my head on the wall. Repeatedly.

And the visit went...

OK... I guess. There weren't any tears (from me). There was no OMG I'm going to scream moments. Typical to them, they showed up around 4pm, knowing we said we were planning to go to the grocery store when they got here to get the stuff to make dinner. But, by the time they unpack and do everything it's 4:45 or later and my boys usually eat by 5:30 at the latest... yeah we are not going to the grocery store now then coming home to make dinner... ok plan B. Lets get Italian. Ok what do you want to get? "I don't have an opinion"... next breath "But I'd really like to get chicken parm" HELLLOOOO that is an opinion!!! Ok they decide they want subs, I look at R and say, so what else are we getting, B won't eat that. So we ended up with 2 subs and a pizza.

They still favor B over C which drives me CRAZYYYY. It was a bit better this time. They did spend time with C, but it feels so forced to me. The dote on B, and they struggle to interact with C. Now, yes C is 13 months, but he lovesss life. C loves to have people read to him. He loves to play with cars, dance, jump around, and do anything to get love and attention. C is my happy go lucky little guy. I don't get it. I don't understand why they want to give all their attention to B. Yes, B is a lot of fun, and very interactive. B will demand attention, but come one you have TWO grandsons.

The biggest thing that drives me nuts (besides the favoritism) is the fact that they don't leave B alone at all. They follow him around and he gets undiveded attention the whole time they are here. This is not possible when they aren't here, nor is it a good thing in my opinion. My boys know how to play alone, they know how to play together and they get time with R, time with me and time with both of us. These are all skills they need in order to function. When my in-laws leave B struggles with the playing without being entertained part. He thinks he needs people to do things for him since they do whatever he wants whenever he wants... grrrrr!

Aloha Friday (week 5)

Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the Mr. Linky there if you are participating.

In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that we take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So I thought that on Fridays I would take it easy on posting, too. Therefore, I’ll ask a simple question for you to answer. Nothing that requires a lengthy response.

If you’d like to participate, just post your own question on your blog and leave your link below. Don’t forget to visit the other participants! It’s a great way to make new bloggy friends!

This week's question is: Do you have a guest bedroom in your house?

When we first bought this house we did. We had a queen size bed, bureau and all that set for guests. Now that we have two kids that room has been taken over by our gym equipment as well as being the boys playroom. When my in-laws come up for the weekend they now have to bring their own air mattress... but it doesn't stop them!

Next character...

I have been hesitant to post this. Mostly out of quilt. But, I harbor some very bitter feelings about my MIL. I know, shocker. Who doesn't? For the most part, she is very good to me any my family. I do love her very much. She just drives me crazy with the things she does concerning my BIL.
I was told early on that she favored the BIL over my husband. I didn't really see that until I was pregnant and his girlfriend became pregnant. (6 months later) It really became apparent after both boys were born. (my child being 4 months older)
I have noticed on more than one(hundred) occasion that she does a lot more for them then for us. She does their child's wash for them (they didn't have facilities right near there home but even now that they do she still does it), if they didn't come over for supper when she had us over, she would take food out to them. She took their child for pictures. (when I say take I mean paid) I do have to give her a point, she paid for my child's pics in the hospital. She has given up nights out with her husband to watch their child so they go can out.
The thing is, she is taken advantage of by them. Partially, I feel bad for her. I feel she thinks if she doesn't doesn't do some of these things, they will cut her out. The BIL has a tendency to not return phone calls, etc. So, maybe she feels she has to do these things to remain in good standings with them. I don't know.
I just don't want this to become apparent to my child as they get older. This happened to my sis and I as we were growing up and it caused major problems.
It hurts me when she tells me some of the things they do. Her and her hubby have a day off during the week together. The BIL has this day off, too. I always hear how they called him to do this or that. But, they have never called me or my husband. (every so often he has that same day off) I hear how they went to lunch or went here or there. Or they took the baby to give him a break. Uh, I have my child every day all day long.
The biggest difference between us (me/hubby) and them (BIL/g-friend) is we don't make some of our problems known. We chose to have kids. We knew the sacrifices they come with. They on the other hand, did not. They complain about their money issues. We do not. So if there is something we may want/need and do not have the money for it, oh well. My thought is, as long as we have what we need for our child, we are ok. We will get what we need later. They get what they want and then complain that their child needs this or that. Guess who steps up?
I feel bad about the bitterness I harbor. She is a very good grandmother. She keeps my child most Fri evenings for a couple hours to allow us to do stuff. Typically it is going out to eat and then grocery shopping. Exciting, I know. And she is not an evil person to me by any means. I just get very upset about how differently both boys are treated. (and by boys I mean both her sons and grand sons)
I have thought about talking to her about these issues. I wonder though if it would make a difference of create a huge problem in our relationship? I don't want this to get any worse though. I feel maybe I should let it go and if it becomes a problem that my child recognizes, then I will deal with it.
sigh....

oh joy...

My in-laws are coming up for the weekend. When R talked to them the other day they said they would arrive sometime in the afternoon. We told them that the boys nap from 12-3. So lets hope they respect that and don't arrive until AFTER 3! Why do I doubt that. At least R is only working a half day on Friday so he should be home before they get here. Want to put bets out on what time they arrive? Or better yet, want to put bets out on which one of my sons they spend all their time with?

Oh well... At least I'm sure I'll have something to blog about here next week.

huh??

I'm sitting here wondering why the 'rules' only apply to some of us and not all of us. I can't find a good answer- maybe someone can tell me what it is!

So my MIL pests and asks us over and over when we will come visit. And wants advance notice. Fine- I don't want to just show up and surprise you either. But just found out that my inlaws (who we JUST spend 9 days with) will be coming to stay with us on Friday. Uhm, a week notice?? I get why they are coming- we have a family picnic this weekend and they need a place to stay. Fine- but we have all known about this picnic for months. Maybe it would have been nice to mention you were planning to stay with us before.....hubby and I are smart enough to figure out that a family picnic is coming, you live out of town so you are probably staying with us- but I should not have to figure it out. I should be given the same advance notice they want from us.

This bugs me- is it just me or would it bug you too?

Not Me Monday

This week's Not Me Monday, is brought to you by Mrs. BlogginFromTheEdge.
Props to McMomma for kicking off this bloggy fun, so be sure to pop over to My Charming Kids and check out all the other great Not Me Monday posts.

1. I bet there are terrible mommies who would bribe their child with diet soda and/or chewing gum to get them to quiet down in the grocery store, but I'd never resort to such measures.

2. I would never shave my son's head near bald just so I could space haircuts farther apart and save some money. That's just frugal meets mean.

3. Because I am such a devoted wife, I'd never give my DH the cold shoulder because he doesn't want me to get an IPhone. Never ever.

4. And only some cruel mean mommy would add some water to her son's bedtime cup of milk becuase she was running low and was too tired and lazy to trek out to the store for some more....surely not me.

5. And you'd be totally wrong to think I purposefully put boiled egg in my potato salad this weekend just becuase I know it grosses my MIL out. Nope, that would be bad hostess manners. I assure you, it was a complete mistake. Slipped my mind.

Well I hope you all are just as classy and sophisticated and would never be guilty of any of the above either! Happy Monday!

I Survived

I just got home from 9 days/8 nights at my in-laws. I can't tell you how nice it is to be on familiar ground. I know I should be glad for the time with 'family'- I know I should be glad to have people who love me and my children. But by day 5, I just wanted to come home. I cried and said I was coming home. I think I would have walked home too if I could have(it is a 3+ hour drive so walking home was pretty much out of the question).

Now what would cause someone to want to walk all that way home you ask? Well, in a nut shell- it is my MIL. She is the mother of my husband and for that- I love her. But I don't like living in her space. She is very controlling and it is very hard to keep things the way she wants them- especially when there is a 2 year old involved. Every 5 minutes I would hear her tell R "no- that is a look, don't touch". He is 2- you have to let him touch something! And every single thing that was out of place- "oh, R must have been playing with...." Okay- yeah, some of it he did play with, but, he is 2. He is curious and learning. Some of the things he was accused of playing with, there is no way he could reach- he is only 3 feet tall after all. And I was watching him. (so to help make me feel better- I let Riley pee in their grass all week!)

The other thing that drove me nuts with her was that poor A was so excited to visit and do things with her. And my MIL kept promising to do things - like bake cookies, paint, make applesauce- so A would ask to do those things and MIL would tell her not now- I'm tired or I have things to do. Okay- so don't promise to do stuff with her if you are not going to follow through. And, you wanted us to visit- so actually visit and play with the kids. Finally- you are only tired because you are busy running around doing crazy things that don't need to be done.

I was really upset the day she undermined my authority with my kids too. She made a dessert everyday (one of the not necessary things that made her too tired!). One day we didn't have a brand new dessert, but she was about to offer the leftovers from the day before. I stepped in and said that we have had big desserts all week and we would be fine with a hershey kiss or piece of candy- we were not going to have dessert that night. So my MIL starts talking to one of my teenage step-kids about how they can have the dessert after the little ones leave so they won't see. Uhm- NO! I just said we are not having dessert. How dare you go against my wishes when I have run around like a crazy person keeping everyone from touching all the things you don't want touched, not letting them run or jump in the house (yeah, like that happens with 6 kids and one of the 6 kids is only 2!), and every other thing she wanted done.

Another thing that bothered me was that she made plans for one of my stepkids while we were there to have an art lesson. While I am grateful for the opportunity for my stepdaghter- she didn't ask us or include us in the decision making process. As a matter of fact- she didn't even tell us about it until I saw a note laying on the counter with a date/time on it and asked. Then- she expected us to figure out how to get her picked up from the lesson because they had other plans they had to take care of a that time. What?? No- you scheduled this, you dd this without asking me, you deal with it.

Okay- I could go on and go- after all 9 days is a LONG time to be with inlaws- but I think I got enough off my chest to just let the rest go! Thanks for the free therapy all!

Aloha Friday (week 3)

Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the Mr. Linky there if you are participating.

In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that we take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So I thought that on Fridays I would take it easy on posting, too. Therefore, I’ll ask a simple question for you to answer. Nothing that requires a lengthy response.

If you’d like to participate, just post your own question on your blog and leave your link below. Don’t forget to visit the other participants! It’s a great way to make new bloggy friends!

the question is.... Are you spending this holiday weekend with family? Are you happy about that??

We are not, we actually have a weekend to ourselves (as of now) for a change. And, my hubby is not working either, which is also a major treat. I can't say we are doing anything special for the 4th as my boys are too young to stay up for fireworks, in my opinion anyway.

Happy 4th of July to all who celebrate!

Family member #1 that makes me want to bang my head on a wall.

Nice title?
We will call him BIL. Yes, it is my husband's brother. They are 3 years apart. Not the closest siblings in the world, but they do get along. BIL takes advantage of some family members and in my opinion, very disrespectful.
My MIL (mother in law) was cooking dinner for the family once a week, on a Wednesday. She loved nothing more than to have everyone over. He (and his girlfriend) would not show up, not call nor return phone calls on numerous occasions. This, of course, upset MIL very much. Which in turn, upset me. My number one favorite excuse for them not showing up? I forgot it was Wednesday. Yeah... because that changes from week to week.
In the middle of my pregnancy, BIL announced his g-friend was pregnant. (that is whole other post) My youngest nephew was born 4 months after my son.
BIL would drop their son off with MIL and leave him for HOURS. The first time, from early afternoon until midnight! Really? Who does that? And my MIL had to work in the morning.
(on a side note I have to say that MIL plays apart in who her son is. that again is whole other post)
They once came to my house and he did not bring a bottle or formula for him. Thankfully my son and him were on the same stuff. Another time, he showed up at another house with NO diaper bag.
My husband tries to call his bro to do things but BIL never answers the phone nor returns his messages. One time, hubby try to call BIL and no answer. Now, he really needed to ask him a question. I then called the g-friend and asked her if he was there and she handed the phone right to him. Needless to say, that was the last straw for hubby. I don't think he has tried to call him for anything since then.
It just upsets me how someone can treat their family like that, for no real reason. And I get very frustrated because it is tolerated and nothing is ever said. (until I spoke my mind one time...) I hate to see his family values be passed onto my nephew. That is what fears me the most.

quick fix

I think I've mentioned before on here that my oldest son has a speech issue. He has severe articulation issues. He is receiving speech therapy once a week for 30 minutes and has since March. He is making great strides with both his speech and learning more and more signs to help with his communication.

This has been a thorn in my side with many family members (both sides of the family). B also is tongue tied (there is a small piece of "skin" that connects the tip of his tongue to the floor of his mouth). This is part of the issue that is causing his articulation issues, as he does not have full motion with his tongue.

My family is under the impression, so it would seem, that as soon as we get his tongue fixed all the speech problems will go away. Now I will give my family credit in that both my mother and father are making an effort to learn many of the signs that B uses on a regular basis. They also take time to listen and pay attention to what he is saying. If you can put his speech in context you can often figure out what he is saying. But, nagging me about getting B into the ENT is not going to make life easier. Yes, we have an appointment finally with an ENT. Yes, we are going to see what the ENT says about his tongue, but we know that it is a piece of the puzzle not the solution to it.

R's family seem to be under the impression that his speech isn't a real issue because he is smart and understand everything you say. Yes, B is very smart (and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother). I know that at 2.5 he knows the capital and lowercase letters, recognizes numbers, colors, shapes, and many many many other skills. I know that his receptive language (understanding what he hears) is very high. But, that has nothing to do with his ability to effectivly express himself verbally. My MIL had a sign language book the last time she was here, but doesn't really understand that unless you listen to Blake and see the sign you will not understand what he is signing. He is 2 and has his own interpretation of many signs. R and I use correct signs when we sign to him, but know that his are well... his version. On more than one occasion I have heard my in-laws (in my opinion) mimicing what B is saying. They just copy the sounds he is using instead of listening to what he is saying and then saying the word correctly.

B is a smart child and I know he will get past this challenge, but there is no quick fix. I just wish that all of the family would accept that this is the way it is, and we are working hard to improve. The with time and patience B will speak correctly. That all he needs is for you to give him the attention to what he is saying... to listen to him and hear him. To help him by saying the right thing in context and not try to correct him. To show him that you see his progress and help him get excited for the progress he is making.

Is that too much to ask?

Allow me to introduce myself...

I think the name Scatterbrain Mommy fits me to a T. That is me in a nutshell. I will start one thing, change gears to another and then go off onto another project. Sometimes my head is just all over the place.
I have a beautiful little boy who keeps me on my toes 24/7. He truly is a joy to be with (99% of the time). I have the pleasure of staying home with him and love every minute of it.
I will say this a million times, I love my family and don't know what I would do without them. But, man they can make my blood boil. Not just my in-laws but my regular family too.
This blog will be a great outlet for me. When I have things on my mind, I like to get them out in the open, but don't have an avenue to do so.
Enjoy this bumpy road we will all take together!

phone call fun.... NOT

So R called his parents last night. They informed us that they are planning on coming down next weekend... they thought about coming this weekend, but figured we may have plans. They told us they really wanted to come for our anniversary, but didn't want to "impose".... yeah well since we aren't going to be here for that Friday that won't quite work anyway.

Then my mother-in-law (m-i-l) says... so are you going to find time to come down here this summer. R very coolly said... nope we aren't visiting ever. We have told them many times that we are working on trying to find a time that we could visit over the summer. Why is it that they can tell us with a week's notice and we have to make our plans a month or more ahead of time? When we told them the dates we are planning on going down, my m-i-l said "you made my month". They then proceeded to tell us again that they plan to teach the boys to swim that weekend... yeah it really ends up being one day that we are there because it's a 3.5 hr drive so Fri and Sun are spent in the car... hellooooo you can't teach someone to swim in a day.

They then told us that they are coming up early on Friday. If R isn't home when they get here, they think they are going to send me out for the afternoon... yeah ... ummmm NOOOO! Even R says no way! So I looked at him and said... so you are taking a half day on that Friday right??

I am so not looking forward to their visit, but I'm dreading the visit down there even more... so much for a fun and relaxing summer!

Not Me Monday

I figure Not Me! Monday, a blog carnival created by McMomma, is perfect for this blog. What is better than complaining about your family in the format of saying it would never happen? Be sure to pop over to My Charming Kids and check out McMomma and all the other great Not Me! Monday posts.

1. I did NOT avoid cleaning my house even though I was having out of town relatives over for a visit on Friday.

2. I would NEVER wish that said out of town relatives were not coming over because well I could care less if I saw them

3. I DIDN'T botch the brownies I was making to serve them because I was leaving to go out to lunch with my hubby.

4. I would NEVER salvage said brownies by making them into a trifle.

5. I did NOT eat the rest of said trifle today after eating salad for lunch

6. I would NEVER get ticked off at my grandmother for feeding C (my 1 year old) some of the chocolate pudding from the trifle AFTER I had given him some and he spit it out

7. I would NOT also give it to my son B (2.5 yrs) and watch him spit it out in his hand too

8. I did NOT feed my family leftover pizza for dinner on Sunday after just having pizza on Friday (yep with the relatives... I would never be so lazy as to serve guests pizza)

9. I did NOT create this blog as a place for me to complain about my relatives without them reading about it

10. I did NOT create the OMG stories as a place for the rest of you to complain about yours too (read the side bar if you're interested)

11. I am NOT hoping that posting on NMM will bring more traffic to my little blog here

12. I'm NOT glad that things are going a bit smoother in McMomma's life so she can have NMM again.

13. I'm NOT going to go visit some of the other NMM blogs to see whatelse everyone is not doing.

She did what?

Gosh, what does one do when a friend/family member is walking into a reeeealy bad decision? I guess nothing huh? Worst part is she knows its bad but is doing it anyways and when it all falls apart, she'll expect to be rescused, like some deliberate damsel in distress. You see, one of my SILs is going to be marry the father of her baby. The same worthless guy who has cheated on her CONSISTANTLY, who put her out on the side of a TX highway at midnight WHILE she was pregnant cuz he got mad at her for telling him to slow down (oh he was driving drunk too), who has never bought the child anything, same guy who gave her a dreadful disease-the kind that never goes away, who has disrespected everyone in her family, who joined the military and refused to claim his daughter so she could get medical benefits, who she has tried to move in with before and it lasted a whole 3 days before he kicked her and his kid out....shall I go on? I could. And after all the abuse and neglect shes actually going to marry him and move to TN. Seems just like a few weeks ago she was calling me all upset cuz he got caught cheating again. How am I supposed to react? Its a joke. If I congratulate it, its like I am condoning it. If I say nothing or how I feel, then I am a "hater". I just don't get it....

Aloha Friday (week 2)

Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the Mr. Linky there if you are participating.

In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that we take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So I thought that on Fridays I would take it easy on posting, too. Therefore, I’ll ask a simple question for you to answer. Nothing that requires a lengthy response.

If you’d like to participate, just post your own question on your blog and leave your link below. Don’t forget to visit the other participants! It’s a great way to make new bloggy friends!

the question is.... Do you trust all of your relatives to watch your children?

I personally do not. My parents watch my children when we are away. R's sister has watched them too from time to time. I do not trust R's parents to watch them. And at this point, R agrees with me which helps a bit.

Motivation

I am trying to find motivation today. My cousins are coming over tomorrow. They are down from NY and CT to visit my grandfather. While growing up I had little to nothing to do with them, and now have even less. I know that is sad, but it is very true. Growing up my brother and both cousins were cared about a lot more than me. My cousins thought they were better than me and to tell you the truth I could care less what they thought.

I know I should clean the house and get things ready for the visit, but I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like I care enough to do anything. I wish they weren't coming over, but at the same time I'd rather them come her instead of me packing the boys into the car and driving out there to see them.

Do you ever find that you can't get motivated to get ready when you don't want to do something? Do you have family members who you just could careless if you saw again?

Sleep Overs

My kids have never slept anywhere but at home. (not counting family vacations when we all sleep in a hotel) On the off chance that my hubby or I are not home at bed time, my mom watches them at our house, puts them to bed, and waits for us to get home. On the even more rare chance that we are away over night, my mom watches them at our house so they can sleep in their own beds and she sleeps in our guest room. (Do you notice a trend here that my mom always watches the kids and not the MIL?? She never watches our kids for us- but that is another post for another time). So, my kids have never had a sleep over- they have never slept anywhere but home. My theory was that it was always easier for them to be in their familiar environment, in their familiar bed, etc - keep as much normal for them. I'm not against sleep overs, I just thought my kids were too little and would freak out or something. They are only 5 and 2. So my question is -- have your kids had sleep overs? I don't mean school kid fun sleep overs - but when you are not at home at night, what do you do with your kids? Someone come to your house or your kids go to someone else's house? What are your thoughts on the whole thing?

Your OMG stories

Ok... here's my thought. I know that a lot of you have stories to share. My guess is you'd love an outlet for them.... so here you go!

Want to share your OMG stories? All you have to do is send Mommy Vent an e-mail with your story and she will post it on the blog. Think of it as a Dear Abby type thing (without the advice doled out by Mommy Vent). All you have to do is write a "Dear Mommy Vent here is my OMG story" and sign it how you want it posted on our blog. You pick the name... if you want it linked to your other blog... let me know. If you don't it won't be.

Think of this as your place to gripe about your in-laws, out-laws and well all the rest of your family crap, without them knowing what you have to say.

So what do you think?? Like it, love it, or hate it??

I'd like to post them on Thursdays for now... if I get a lot I'll do it more than one day a week.

Send your OMG story to mommyvent@gmail.com

Father's Day

So... who has a story to share about the drama of Father's Day?

Not me, we stayed home. My parents came over to pick up some stuff they needed. They didn't give us much notice, but they only stayed about an hour, and since they live 45 min away they actually spent more time on the road then here so at least it wasn't us doing the driving I guess.

R called his parents, but we called while the boys were awake... so they were more interested in talking to B than us. Or should I say mimicking B. B has some major articulation issues and most people can't/won't/don't understand what he is saying. They think it is ok to just copy what he is saying and go on from there... yeah NOOOO!

So did anything interesting happen with your family for father's day? Here's your chance to vent and get it off your chest... type as much as you need. Our blog is your blog... post away!

Aloha Friday

I thought this would be a fun way for you to find our new-ish blog!

Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the Mr. Linky there if you are participating.

In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that we take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So I thought that on Fridays I would take it easy on posting, too. Therefore, I’ll ask a simple question for you to answer. Nothing that requires a lengthy response.

If you’d like to participate, just post your own question on your blog and leave your link below. Don’t forget to visit the other participants! It’s a great way to make new bloggy friends!

And the question is... Do you vent about your family on your blog??

As you can see by my reasoning for creating this blog, I don't post my vents on my original blog as too many family members read that one!

Thanks for playing along... stop by and visit again.... you never know when someone will have a great vent.

When are you coming down?

R called his parents last night to tell his dad about something he read in a magazine... typical reason for him to call kind of thing. They were asking about his job, which had been CRAZY busy for April and May. And, other typical parent type phone conversation things. I was only privy to one side of the conversation which is fine with me (o:

R. casually mentioned that we'd booked our hotel for our anniversary trip... one night away for the two of us. Then yet again, his mother put the guilt on about us going down there this summer. We have straight up told her that we are planning to visit over the summer, but we haven't figure out when yet. R again told her... yes we will visit this summer, but we haven't figured this out yet. I muttered under my breath... and if you keep pushing it the answer will change to no we aren't coming down!

The thing that drives me crazy about this is when they come up here we are lucky to get a week's notice and they don't ask if they can come up... they just tell us they are coming. Why do we have to give them notice if they don't have to give it to us? My guess is they are hoping that we come early and then they can try to guilt us into coming down again... yeah NOOOOO!

Another Crazy Mommy Here

Hi All! Mommy Vent invited me to join this blog and I jumped right on the chance! I love my hubby - but I don't always love the way his family acts. So....this seemed like a good way to vent those frustrations. For now I'm just stopping by to say hi- but this weekend I have to see most of hubby's fam and then at the end of the month we go stay with them for a week. Don't worry- I will have some good stories to tell you! We never make it through these events without a few meltdowns (and that's just me!). Stayed tuned for some fun times with all of us and thanks again for letting me join the blog!

Typical

So I get a 2 line email from the MIL asking if we plan to come to the family get together this Sunday to celebrate Father's Day.
Sure, we'll go....not like I can really say no anyway. So I reply back to count us in and ask what we should bring to the festiviites. She replies back that SHE would really like some homemade pasta salad and specifies not the box kind.
Sure ok. I can try to do that I guess. I usually start with the box kind as my base and then morph into something my own...but whatever.
What irks me is that I will spend the extra time and extra money and you wanna know what she'll bring? Her appetite.
Sigh. I am sure I sound petty, but it pesters me. If this didn't all the time it might not, but it does. Anyone else feel my pain? LOL

DH Momma Drama

Howdy Folks! I'm honored to be invited by Miss Mommy Vent to share here as well. I hope we can keep you entertained...oh where do I begin?

So had myself a little MIL drama over the past couple days. I will first say I've been lucky. I don't have an MIL from hell or anything, but there's no mistaking, there are IssueS...with a capital I and S. Most recently yesterday. Appears I was hateful and completely self absorbed for not calling her and basically asking permission for my, MY, son to have a very simple, routine ear tube removal. I swear to you, we talked about this with her a few weeks ago at my neice's birthday party and umm...I even mentioned it on my usual blog, which she reads. But since she was "denied" the right to be there with him, at 6:15am for the whole 15minute-long procedure, I've been accused of keeping it a "secret" from her. Her words, not mine. Get over yourself woman. I am perfectly capable of handling such a situation. There was only one parent allowed back in the induction room before he went in to the OR anyway, so what the heck did she miss besides an early wakeup call and some stale waiting room coffee. Psshhhh. Whateva. I get that she is a nurse and is more familiar with things than we are, but really, it wasn't a big deal and he did just fine. To try to further make us feel bad, she calls up my SIL bawling over this silly crap. Then she asks my SIL if she will come get W and bring him over to visit her today. Sure...sounds good to me. J and I get a few free hours and W gets a field trip. It's all good.....just could use a little less crazy next time.

UPDATE: She called me about 30mins ago to apologize. Admitted she was really hurt and po'd about it. I tried my best to assure her there was no malice and had to promise to be more considerate next time (big fat eye roll).

Phone guilt

I got a phone call last night from my mother-in-law. She was calling to ask me something related to her job.. yeah like I care?? Anyway... She ended the conversation by putting on this fake sappy voice and telling me how much she would appreciate it if I would find some time this summer to bring the boys down for a visit. I told her it was in the works, but that didn't seem to be good enough for her. She continued to go on and tell me how she would teach my boys to swim and other stuff.

Yes, I know they would like us to visit, but their house is not kid friendly nor is there really any place for the 4 of us to stay. The last time we went there, for Thanksgiving, my husband and I slept on couches so that B and C could each have a room to themselves since they've never slept together and C wasn't sleeping through that night at the time. The room that C slept in, we could NOT let B sleep in because it is so messy there is no way they could clean it up enough for their to be a place for B to sleep and not get in trouble for touching everything. Even if hubby and I didn't sleep on the couches there is only a futon in his room and it is soooo uncomfortable to sleep on... or we could sleep on an air mattress... yeah still not comfortable. So neither of us gets a decent night sleep when we are there. Oh and a 3 hour car drive with a 1 year old and a 2 year old... yeah do you see why we don't go there often??

Don't you just hate guilt trips??

Favorites

As a child, I realized at an early age that my brother was favored over me by my grandparents. I tried to get their attention by going out of my way to do things to impress them, but yeah it never worked. As I grew older I realized it was so not worth my effort or the frustration... so I just grew away from them. To this day I do not really get along with my grandparents. I felt very little when my grandmother passed away a few years ago and still don't look back on this with regret.

I am now a mother of two little boys B who is 2.5 yrs and C who is 1. My in-laws were up this weekend to celebrate C's birthday. This visit solidified a feeling I've had since he was born... in they favor my older son. I have seen them one more than one occasion walk away from C to play with B. They have left C in a room alone because B has walked out to go do something else. They choose to play with B and C gets left out quite often.

This kills me. My husband sees it too, but we aren't sure what to say to his parents about it. I know that in time I will say something because I know what it feels like to be the child who is left out. I know how hard it is to see your sibling get all the attention and love.

I am not analyzing each moment spent. I'm not comparing time together... I'm looking at quality. I'm looking at the love displayed and the respect given. I just want C to be treated fairly. I just want him to feel loved.

My two sons are very different... but they are BOTH loving and caring children who deserve to be loved and respected by their family.