Favoritism

I've neglected this blog for awhile. Not for lack of things to complain about. Just lack of time. I am sure with the coming of the Holidays, I will be here more and more. Because, it has already started. Folks, it is only Halloween.

The BIL and g-friend were given a costume for my nephew(their son) to wear by a family member. I picked up that costume because Nephew was coming to spend the nite at my house. The costume reeked of smoke. I didn't have time to wash it, so I threw it in the dryer and Febreezed it. It kinda helped. I passed along to the G-friend and told her she might want to wash it.

The next day I find out, she did not wash it and "they" got him a new costume. (I was glad they at least did that. I would not want Nephew walking around in that) Later, the MIL called to tell me the same story. BUT she was the one who bought a new DISNEY brand costume for him. G-friend only went one place and determined the store was too crazy. That ended her search for a new costume.

Yet, again, my MIL steps up where they lacked and got him something. Yet, again, she goes out of her way for them. Never for us. Frankly, I am about sick of it. I am not sure how to deal with this. Constantly things are done for them, not for us. I am sorry...Do I have to pay for doing things right? Sacrificing things for myself so that my son has what he needs? Because they don't do that...so they get everything handed to them. And the Nephew gets more than my son.

I try to keep in mind that I am the Parent. This is what I do. In years to come, I can say I did stuff for my child. Things weren't done for us. We have the things we do because we did it ourselves. It just gets frustrating when it is constantly in my face what MIL does for them and not for us.

I am not sure it is even worth getting into a discussion about. Would it change anything? Probably not. It would probably change the family dynamics all around. I'm not sure if I am ready for that. So, for now I will bite my tongue...

e-mails

My mother-in-law for some reason has decided that she now needs to e-mail me all the time.

Here are the two most recent ones (2 days apart):

congratulations on the football win--I assume you went to the game. Did they play well?

I responded to your blog thoughts, but am not sure if it went to you or to Maggie, because I went to the send it to a friend. I really don't know my way around your site--I'm sure there's a lot I could access if I just knew how. Maybe you could help me on our next visit. I truly love it--it helps me not miss you all too much, and lets me get to know you.
"Mommy Vent", you are special. Love you--"Her first name"-Mom

Ok first of all she knew we went to the game because her daughter watched my boys. Why in the world is she sending her friends links to my other blog? Those who know me know I don't liked to be gushed over. EVERY time we talk to her she goes on and on and on about how much she likes my blog (my other blog) and how great it is. She comments on what's she's read and how she feels like she gets to know me more and see my sons. Ok yeah sure. But, at the same time it makes me subconscious of what I type in my blog. I started my blog as a place to talk about what is going on in my everyday life as a mother. I started it as a place where I could reflect on life, show off pics of my boys and just well journal on everything. Now I feel like I'm being watched and that makes me second guess what I type about.


We're reluctant to call because we don't want to interfere in the evening "ritual"(which is so important,) or your time together.
We would like to visit with you over the next weekend. We know there is a UCF game, and if you have plans with your tailgate group, we could stay with the boys so you could relax and enjoy.
We both have Monday off and would be spending some time with "sister-in-law" looking at her pictures from her trip.
Let us know your thoughts.

I don't know about you, but when I read this e-mail they are not asking to come over, but telling us that they are coming. They probably have already made plans with their daughter for the Monday plans. If they are talking about this coming weekend, the UCF game is away and we have plans for our friends to come to our house on Sat. to watch the game. But, we also have plans on Sun. to go to my parents to celebrate my grandfather's birthday. If they are talking about the following week, it makes life hard for me because I was planning on going to enjoy the tailgating and the game since I couldn't this weekend (my sister-in-law, as mentioned above watched the boys but couldn't get over until after work so I didn't get there until almost kick off time). My parents will be watching the boys so I can go tailgating for the next game. I do NOT trust R's parents to watch the boys for 30 minutes never mind 5-6 hours.

I do not reply to her e-mails usually. I just send them onto R or have him read them when he gets home. I feel like they are his parents... he needs to deal with it!

Is it time to change my e-mail address?? I know many will think I'm not being reasonable, but it just the way it is!

family vacation

Even thinking about the title makes me shudder....

My cousin came up with an idea of going to the beach as a family. One huge family. Nine families. That is a lot of people. But, hey, why not. She lives in a different state than the rest of us, so she thought it would be a good opportunity to get together. Here is our journey..

Cuz enlisted the help of myself and another cousin. That way their would be representation from each of the 3 core families. My grandparents basically said, tell us when and where. First, we had to come up with a time to go. Obviously going to the beach would be a lot cheaper if we went on the off months. But, we have a family member that has school-aged kids and she works at the school. We really needed to go June-Aug. Which was fine for most. Some were a little upset because of the cost. We finally got that hurdle taken care.

Trying to get 9 families to actually commit was the next part. We didn't want to look for too big/small of house. Some peeps just were not getting that. One family was "that is a lot of time to be in one house with all of us". This is true. Seriously, it is a week. A big place. We don't have to spend every waking moment together. Finally everyone was in. The exception was, that one family would not know if they could get vacation for the weeks we were looking at. If they could, they were in. No biggie (or so I thought)

I have to say looking for a house was kind of fun. I love seeing how people decorate their houses. I don't have any taste/sense when it comes to stuff like that. Taking the virtual tours of the houses was fun. It has almost inspired me to buy a house at the beach myself! :) The 3 cuz finally found a house that was a bad price, good location for all and had mostly everything we needed. I talked to the company and found out all the logistics. As long as everyone was to agree, I was going to call today to reserve the house for this time next year. Or get it for a week (the only week available) in July.

The email was sent to all, including a link to the house and the prices for each scenario. We explained that a 50% deposit was needed come December and once you paid it, that was your commitment and if you backed out, you lost your money. We thought we were all set

Boy, the shit hit the fan yesterday.

I pointed out that this was an 8 bedroom house. We did 8 because of the family worried about vacation. If we would have gotten a 9 bedroom house and they couldn't come, peeps would be bitching about the extra cost. (i know you are nodding your head, agreeing) I said we could either have 2 families permanently double up or there were 3 bedrooms with a queen and twin bed. People could rotate. (a pain, maybe, but really, it would have been only a night or two) One aunt was not happy and said if she couldn't have her own room every night she was out. Ok...

Next, it was pointed out that there was an apt attached to the house. That apt had 2 rooms with a queen and the living room had a sleeper sofa. So, someone could take the sleeper sofa. But whom? I have a child, I was excluded. My sister has 3 kids, she was excluded, and another would have a 6 month old when this occurred, she was excluded. My grandparents sleep in separate beds, excludes them. I knew the aunt who wanted the room would not volunteer for this arrangement. One member was insistent on "forcing" 2 of the other cuz to take it. Yes, it would have made sense, but I said I didn't feel anyone was in the position to force anyone to do it. We asked for volunteers.

One cuz did step up and say yes they would take it...but for a discount. I only thought that was fair. Why should anyone have to pay full price and not have their own rooms. If this would be the case, every one's price would have gone up $30. And, if remembering correctly, we were paying just about $500/family for the week. Not to shabby if you ask me.

Once again, emails were flying. By this time, the cuz who was doing all the emailing, was almost at her breaking point. She is pregnant, so of course the hormones play a part. But, at some point in time, some one was constantly on us about one thing or another. We awaited. No one was responding. The 3 in charge decided to each call our own families and find out what was going on. I checked with one family-that was fine they are still in. Then, I checked with my other family. All of a sudden, she wants to look for a 9 bedroom house. I said...go for it but you have to keep it under this price (which was impossible) and you can do all the planning here on out. Well, then she just decided that her and her family would not go. Therefore, extra room is opened. I was going to argue. I simply stated that she did not have to do that and if she did, I do not want it ever thrown up in any one's face that she did. She said that was fine.

Now, I have to tell you that one family said that if one family backs out and we have to take the house in July, they wouldn't be able to do it because of cost. groan....

I called cuz and told her this. (first i made sure she wasn't driving cause i knew she was going to flip) Now, we had to recall everyone and give them the current scenario. Cuz did warn me that she was almost ready to bail on this idea as was another family member. I told her I was 50% there but we just needed to hang on.

About an hour later, the family who backed out, called. She asked what every one's reaction was. Obviously my grandma was upset. She is so looking forward to having a vacation with her whole family. I told her that no one wanted her to back out, we had it all figured out, we just needed to agree on paying a bit more. She stated that she thought she was doing a good thing by not going. I asked, Why. We have been trying to accommodate everyone for everything so that we can all be together. Some people gave good reasons for possibly not going. Her reason was just plain stupid. No one was asking anyone to drop out.

It got ugly. It got scary. There was shouting. There were tears. I said I was done. I was not planning anything anymore.

I called Cuz, crying. She agreed. The plug was pulled on our vacation. We did tell a few that if they wanted to take over EVERYTHING they could. I would still go, just not have one tiny thought in the planning. No one has stepped up.

I am sad. But, this is how family is sometimes.

Aloha Friday

Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the MckLinky there if you are participating.

In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that we take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So I thought that on Fridays I would take it easy on posting, too. Therefore, I’ll ask a simple question for you to answer. Nothing that requires a lengthy response.

If you’d like to participate, just post your own question on your blog and leave your link below. Don’t forget to visit the other participants! It’s a great way to make new bloggy friends!

This week's question is: Did you have guest stay at your house this summer? Do you enjoy having house guests?

We had my in-laws over a few times this summer... do I like it... NO! But, that doesn't mean I don't have to suck it up and deal with it. My mom has stayed over a few times to watch the boys, and that always seems to go a lot smoother. I wouldn't mind other people, but it just seems that whenever my in-laws stay here I always get frustrated and just want to escape from my own house.

updates

Well we went to my in-laws this weekend. It went... well better than expected, but since the expectation are pretty low that doesn't say much! B did NOT want to sleep there. The first night when we said it was bed time he went to the front door and kept saying truck. Yeah that was not a fun night. Then Saturday in order to get him to nap and sleep at night R and I had to lay down in R's bed and pretend to sleep to get B to settle down to sleep.

My mother-in-law tried to spend more time with C, but it felt forced to me. I didn't complain too much since well... she tried?

Two big OMG I want to leave moments occured. On Saturday, R was getting changed into his bathing suit to take the boys in the pool. I was changing the boys and my in-laws had already changed. I changed C first and then B. After I changed B, I told him that he would go swimming once daddy was done getting changed. I then began folding clothes. B went to the back door and my father-in-law again reminded him that he'd go out once his dad was done changing. So what does my mother-in-law do??? Take him outside! Helloooooooooooo. Even my father-in-law made a comment about her not listening to what I said. Come on... you just totally underminded me. How rude can you be??

The other instance took place on Sunday morning. I was taking a shower when C woke up. I came out and R was eating breakfast taking to his dad, B was playing a puzzle with my mother-in-law and C was wandering around the living room. Ok fine... no wait. C hasn't had his diaper changed. No one got either boy anything to eat or drink. Anddddd when I picked C up there was some small magnet type thing in his mouth. Helllooooo who is watching the 1 year old?? Yes, R got an earfull!

Oh well... such is life.

Speech Frustrations

My son B has been getting speech therapy since March. He has severe articulation issues, to the point where he is veryyyy hard to understand. We are working on clearing up his speech. One major struggle is he is very bright and it shows in his comprehension skills. When he was tested for speech he's language score was in the average range since his receptive language skills were way above level and his expressive were way below so they averaged out to on level.

We have struggled with family members not understanding the challenges of this whole senario. We have some who thought that once he got his tongue tie clipped he would be fine... yeah no! We have some who think he is smart and will just figure it out... yeah no!

My newest challenge is my husband is struggling with accepting the slow progress. He keeps hoping that something will click and B will just be able to talk in a way that we understand. Could this happen... maybe.... but I highly doubt it.

B uses some signs, but is more comfortable trying to get his point across by pointing and trying to talk to you. He is also more willing to talk to me than anyone else. I think it comes from the fact that not only am I the one who is home with him full time, but I am also the one who seems to take the time to listen and help him speak clearly. I make him say the word multiple times to say it clearly. I listen to what he is saying and try to put into context the misunderstood word. I am the one who signs with him the most and the one who teachs him the new signs.

I wish people would take the time to listen to what he is saying and then help him say the word correctly (without doing it in a way that makes him feel like he's doing something wrong). I wish people would attempt to learn his signs and use them. It would help him feel comfortable using them with them. I wish people would understand that this is not a quick fix. That there is a good possiblity that he will still be getting speech therapy when he goes to school.

I wish people understood that I blame myself for some of these issues. That I am protectitve of his feelings and will take any comments about his speech to heart. That I wish I could take my voice and clearity of speech and give it to him. I wish I could do anything to help him... but for now I can't.

whatever!

I've decided this is my new word in regards to my in-laws. WHATEVER! B had surgery on Friday... nothing major, he had his tongue tied clipped. R told them on the weekend that it was on Friday and that he'd call and let them know how it went. When he talked to them (separately as his father was at work) they both said... oh I thought it was yesterday. Hellooooo if you thought it was yesterday why didn't you call last night to check on him??

Over the weekend C has a low grade fever which I did blog about and then on Sunday he broke out into a rash, which I did blog about too. On Tuesday I blogged about the fact that I took C to the after hours pediatric center. My mother-in-law (MIL) e-mail me to say she knew what I was going through. She said that when R was about 1, they were on vacation and he broke out into a rash and they took him to the hospital and ended up being roseola. My first thought in this... children who get roseola have had a temp over 103 for up to 3 days.... didn't you notice this???

So, R called his parents last night. They were talking about our up-coming visit to their house (yeah be ready for lots of posts after that!). They are convinced that they are going to teach the boys to swim over the weekend... helloooo reality check time. They said "we bought B pool toys, do we have to get C anything?" After a pause they said... like a life jacket or water wings maybe? Ummm no! I said. B had a swim suit type thing that is like a life jacket bathing suit combo and C has a float thing that he can sit in. My thought is if they think water wings are all my 13 month old would need ... did they think my 2.5 year old could swim with NOTHING??

R and I talked and there will be NO pressure on B to learn to swim. We plan on putting both boys in swim lessons in another year or two. Until they the pools will be holding onto mommy or daddy and just fun in the water.

So they can think whatever they want... but it's not happening in that way just cause they want it!